U2 Theology

"Don't know if I will make it, I'm not easy on my knees...."

That line in a U2 song, and some other things, have perked through my brain lately.
I used to want to be a leader, one of the "giants" -- the winner of some Christian contest; the one who gets to sit closest to Jesus at the big dinner party.

But - I think lately it seems like enough just to make it. Just to get through life.

I said something along these lines to some friends the other day. I don't think they got what I was trying to say. I didn't elaborate, and I don't think I have words for it all yet. But, after I said "I just want to make it" I realized that is easily misunderstood -- making people think I'm settling for mediocrity, or looking for a life that is not really about Christ.

I want to get through life, and have it be Life -- an existence lived with and for and about Jesus. But, I've decided that that Life is not as easy as we try to pretend. Its not a checklist of doing the right things. Its not a set of things we deny ourselves. (Uh-oh, paradox: maybe its not as hard as we try to pretend, either.)

For me right now, making it the best I can means leaving behind all the pretense and the things that made me feel like I was getting closer to that "double-gold-star-with-Jesus" status.

The thing is - I'm not sure what's left. If you're not trying to earn your way and make your mark...If you don't measure up to all the ways that we humans measure ourselves and each other -- how do you know you're doing the right thing?

So, I've decided to just try to make it. Live humbler. Live without the approval ratings that make me feel like I'm doing things right. -- If I finish this life with Christ, that will be enough. And, if I finish it with Him - there won't be any question that it was all His doing.