Sitting in church this morning:
Very cynical, a frequent feeling in my chosen church.
Feeling controlled by the [wonderful, godly] man at the front who likes to makes people stand up or sit down on cue. Hating his emotive solo that, I presume, should inspire awe in me. It really inspires cringing. Excellent music however, programmed and manipulative.
Feeling ridiculous, noticing that we all stand up and then preen: straighten suits, unrumple shirts or swish-out our skirts. Its important, surely, to be presentable for God when we sing to Him. Or, maybe its just that we’re all aware that the fashion police do attend our services, and surely “those watching on TV” are really watching local programming at 8:30 am to spot the fashion faux pas.
So, there I am, trying to talk myself off the ledge.
Balancing on the very thin line between cynically analyzing every facet of the service, and, well…not. I assume the opposite of cynicism would be openness. An attitude of reception that would listen for what God was saying. But, it was too early. I can’t really say that I was struggling between cynicism and listening for God. The farthest I could get was cynicism and Not.
Then, we stood on cue, we preened our little selves up to our Sunday best, and we sang the song that had been selected weeks ago and was available at number 14 in the hymnal.
Praise to the Lord, the Almighty, the King of creation!
O my soul, praise Him, for He is thy health and salvation!
All ye who hear, now to His temple draw near;
Praise Him in glad adoration.
Praise to the Lord, Who over all things so wondrously reigneth,
Shelters thee under His wings, yea, so gently sustaineth!
Hast thou not seen how thy desires ever have been
Granted in what He ordaineth?
Praise to the Lord, Who hath fearfully, wondrously, made thee;
Health hath vouchsafed and, when heedlessly falling, hath stayed thee.
What need or grief ever hath failed of relief?
Wings of His mercy did shade thee.
Praise to the Lord, Who doth prosper thy work and defend thee;
Surely His goodness and mercy here daily attend thee.
Ponder anew what the Almighty can do,
If with His love He befriend thee.
Praise to the Lord, Who, when tempests their warfare are waging,
Who, when the elements madly around thee are raging,
Biddeth them cease, turneth their fury to peace,
Whirlwinds and waters assuaging.
Praise to the Lord, Who, when darkness of sin is abounding,
Who, when the godless do triumph, all virtue confounding,
Sheddeth His light, chaseth the horrors of night,
Saints with His mercy surrounding.
Praise to the Lord, O let all that is in me adore Him!
All that hath life and breath, come now with praises before Him.
Let the Amen sound from His people again,
Gladly for aye we adore Him.I found
this online. In the hymnal, there were only the 4 [
bolded] verses, but I thought I’d include it all here. Here’s
another auditory sample, this one without the weird humming.
The first verse stopped me. Drew me into a place where cynicism isn’t allowed. A place where God is. – We were all still the same bunch of preening and self-centered people – but for a moment, I praised God.
Sadly, I can’t even say I made it to the 4th verse without the cynical commentator in my head getting fired up again. – But for a few moments everything that we get wrong - as a people and as a church - didn’t matter. For a few moments, I was able to worship, because of who God is, regardless of my surroundings.
I would say I’m still transitioning – and that the adjustment from housechurch to Big Church still causes discontinuity. It causes moments when I look on as a dispassionate observer. But, to call it a transition is not really accurate. I’ll never get there. The style in which I can most comfortably lose myself and worship God with abandon will not happen in this gilded sanctuary on Tyler Street. I will not transition and get used to it. The lesson for me is to worship, regardless. That seems right. I would have said for years that worship should happen regardless of circumstance. But, I always had outlets where I still got to sing songs where I could close my eyes and raise my hands. Until now. My attitudes are far behind my thinking, and now, I’m really seeing how far the gap is.
Praise to the Lord, the Almighty the King of Creation! Oh my soul, praise Him...
Thanks, God, for those moments of worship that are TRUE.
