Directionally Correct

Directionally Correct is corporate-speak for something that's totally NOT right, but headed in the right direction. -- Huh.

четверг, июля 28, 2005

Friday Poetry 14th - This Week's

Weaning Soon...

Quiet morning.
Eliora’s up too early
I still have work to do, Monday morning deadlines to meet…
Nursing her, working on the laptop at the same time.
---Stop---
These moments won’t last forever.
In fact, the countdown is coming. I’ll finish nursing in a month and a half.
Stop.
Look.
Touch her sweet head.
Caress her hair. Look into her eye, watching me.
Feel the warmth of her body, the coolness of her legs and hands.
Sweet baby.
Deadlines will wait.


Weaning Soon...Part II

Caressing a tow head
As I hold her in my arms.
Stroke her cool cheek.
Pray healing for her ears.
Protection for her hearing.
Pray that she can hear God.
Tiny hand runs along my arm.
Grasping. Tiny fingers pinching.
Exploring my hand - fingers, knuckles, palm.
Legs lay relaxed on my lap.
Stay in the moment.
This moment.
Remember.

Friday Poetry the 13th - Last Week's

The walk had grown long.
Baby in my arms, sun beating down.

The air was grainy.
The hazy sun's unexpected
springtime heat almost gritty.
Thick air crackled and buzzed.
Cacophony on a quiet street, an insect roar.
We rounded the corner,
(Trudging now.
One goal - to get the fair one
out of the hot sun.)
And stepped into an oasis.

Silent air surrounds us.
We stand
Immobilized by the moment.
Feeling it.
A green umbrella
arches over, sheltering us
on all sides.
The buzzing outside mutes.
The living sponge soaks up the sound before it reaches our ears.

She reaches up to the verdant sky.
Emerald and jade air refreshes us.
Hands stretch out.
Tiny hands reach to touch the coolness.
Face in the breeze,
trying to catch it.
Gently smiling as it touches her cheek and chin,
ruffling her hair.

A moment of green.
Whispering calm in the middle
of the hot peripheral world.

четверг, июля 21, 2005

Big layoffs coming in my work-world.
Primarily US, primarily Operations *gulp* -- that would be me.
But, specifically Finance, HR, IT -- that's not exactly me.
I realized the other day that in this climate I listen more critically when I'm talking with a new work contact. Then I think, "You're expendable. You don't really know what you're talking about." I evaluate the person with a barrage of unasked questions:
"Are you more useful than me? Are you more visible to management? Have you been here longer? Are you more useful to the company?" And,of course, "Do you have a blog?"

Its Corporate Lord of the Flies.

вторник, июля 19, 2005

Church Billboards are the Worst!

Signs seen around town lately:

COME ON IN!
THE CHURCH IS PRAYER CONDITIONED.



LITTLE BO PEEP HAS COUNTED HER SHEEP
AND EWE "R" MISSING.


Pretty sure that if I thought God wasn't relevant to my life and/or didn't exist....
this would convince me.

воскресенье, июля 17, 2005

Potty training

Here's a phrase that will make the mother of a two and a half year old get up and RUN.

Mama, I'm sitting on the potty a NEW WAY!

How to Be Good

I just finished this book by Nick Hornby.
I relished it all the way through, or at least after the first few chapters when I got into the rhythm of his writing and became accustomed to the British-isms.
For the first time ever, I finished a book, then turned back to the beginning and started again.
A few reasons I liked it so much:
Katie - The main character is self aware enough to know when she does stupid things, but not always in control enough to stop herself.
All the characters are enmeshed in this desire to "be good" -- seems really indicative of our human condition.
We want to be/do good. We are also totally self-centered prigs (to use the British).
There are spiritual quests happening.

I think in the past I would have read this and thought it a really good descriptive of a life without Jesus. -- It is.
It's also, it turns out, a really good descriptor of the life of a person who knows Jesus. Jesus, unfortunately, doesn't save us from being selfish and doing stupid things.

I liked the book because it put into words all the stupid things I think, and don't even know that I think. Ways that I justify my excesses and still find rational reasons that I have some elements of moral superiority. Ways that I go around trying to make myself believe that I am "good". (Or, at the very least, I am better than some others.)

Good reminder that I'm never going to be good enough.
The books has a pretty bleak finale, but I ended being very grateful for a God who knows that I am not good. -- And still loves.

Eli
laura

[Friday Poetry 12]

Too conflicted to squeeze out poetry.
Too many secrets to eke out truth or beauty in public.

Living in a land of vastness
Under a wide open sky can be very
Claustrophobic.

Better to be unknown, or widely and intimately known.
Casual acquaintance is the killer.

Here we are -- at the Lighthouse in PaloDuro Canyon.
laura


laura

PaloDuro Canyon. We went hiking last Saturday.
laura

Seating arrangements

Today Chris and I made the terrible mistake of sitting by my parents.
We came in a little late and squeezed ourselves into the row near the back with Mom and Dad. I saw next to my Dad, with Chris to my right on the end.

Pretty soon an usher came over and tapped Chris. Chris stepped out, and I could see that an elderly woman was waiting in the aisle.
I thought that maybe she had decided to displace the six tightly packed people in order to make her way to the far left of the pew. Odd, but, okay.
So, when Chris stepped out I stepped out, too. And looked at my Dad.
At some point in this commotion, the woman gave up and went the 20 or so steps to go around to the other end of the pew and sit in an empty seat.

I thought it was an example of bad ushing. The row in front of us and the row behind us had empty seats.

When I said something to Chris he said that the usher had motioned and conveyed to him that the women wanted his seat. -- Not to get past us to a free seat. Not to go to the next row where there was an empty seat.-- No, she wanted HIS seat.

понедельник, июля 11, 2005

Weeding

Okay, so I had my mental post about weeding almost ready. It's all there, in my head. Ready to be typed out and sent on its way to cyberblog world.
But then, I saw this by Mumjones.
Loved it. Loved the truth in imagery of comparing a life lived outside the bounds to the thriving weeds. The weeds who struggle and grow and flourish where they land with the provisions God gives.

But….
That’s her metaphor, not mine.

Here’s my metaphor about weeds. Brought about by a fit of gardening last week.

Gardening again tonight. Not pruning this time, but weeding.
Thinking about the weeds in my life -- the things that grow unbidden and choke out what I intend to be part of my life. Since I'm pulling weeds, its natural to think about what needs to be uprooted and cleansed out of my life.
Tight-clenched, not-gonna-give-an-inch, self-pity tops the list. Nursing said pity while refusing to move forward is a close second.
Anger.
Greed.
Self-focus and self-service.
Ambivalence about seeking God. Not listening for a shepherd, or believing that a shepherd is a good thing to have.
The list grows (literally) like weeds.

Here's what I noticed in weeding.
Its a slow, deliberate process, and I have to really watch what I'm doing.
I have to examine each weed and make sure that I'm reaching down to the root of it.
Anything that is only partially removed will grow back quickly and with a vengeance.

Fresh eyes are needed periodically, to make sure that I can distinguish between the weeds and the flowers. I've found that I can go over an area and think that it is clear of weeds. However, as I return to it later, I see that I missed some plants that I needed to take out. They blended in with the flowers the first time, and I missed them. Or, more likely, they were a lot smaller than the BIG weed that I did pull out. So, I skipped over the little thing that didn't exactly belong. A second time through is needed to make sure I get all the weeds, big and small, significant and inconsequential.

Sometimes I forget that sins in my life are connected. The grass that has grown into my flowerbed has taken root and spread out from a hub plant. Once I get at the root, a large amount of the weedy area is cleared --the single plant was much bigger than I first thought. It only took uprooting one big plant, and all the connected weeds were also yanked out of the soil.

Weeding is better done alone. I tried weeding with Chris a week or so ago -- honestly, I was lazy. I pulled halfheartedly at my little section, knowing that he would come along and finish what I didn't get to. I didn't tell him this, he expected me to do my part, and in the end the area wasn't completely weed-free.
Better to do it myself, and be methodical about it.
At the same time, community matters. In this case, I know that my neighbors will validate my weed-free garden. In life, my chosen community is the canary in the cave, that I expect to point out sin when necessary.

Weeding is constant and continuous. Like housework - there is no "get it done forever" option in weeding. It must be done today, and redone in a few days or a week.
In my life, the examination and removal of things that don't line up with God's Life must be done today, and tomorrow, and the day after that...
...and the day after that....

Weeding is dirty business. It leads to calloused hands and sore knees. Dirty nails - that stay dirty for days. Hands that have a tinge of green and brown through multiple washings. The space to grow and access water and air doesn't come without effort. Getting at all the weeds doesn't come without effort. The garden is beautiful, for the effort.

пятница, июля 08, 2005

Friday Poetry -- 11

Breathing Exercises

Deep breath.
Breathe.
Breathe.
The sky is ripping apart at the seams,
But I can take one more breath.

One.
More.
Breath.
Breathe……

The world is falling apart.
Upheaving from the inside out, foundations shaking.
But.
One.
More.
Breath.

Inhale.
Be.present.now.
Exhale.

Here.
Now.
Breathe.

среда, июля 06, 2005

Panhandle Summertime

Its dusk, and a storm is coming in.
I've heard the thunder coming. Rolling in for about an hour, intermittent sound muffled and distant. Now the dark cloud is overhead and lightning flashes are closer. Breezes rush through the tops of the trees, sounding like the ocean.

Lightning illuminates the cloudbank. Each white ripple and contour highlighted at a point in time. Then dark again, returning to indiscriminate gray.

Another flash, the clouds glow pink for an instant. Giant ships towering into the sky, sailing across miles of flatland.

Now, lightning starts in one cloud, and ripples through others. For an instant the whole northeastern portion of the sky is blinding white, along the horizon, just beyond the trees.

Suddenly, a bolt not hidden by clouds. Stark, blue-white fire arcs through the darkening night. Behind the flare, the clouds have flattened out. No longer distinct cottonball puffs, a solid gray sheet is suspended overhead.

The soundtrack for tonight has become almost a continuous rumble. Bubbling up to greater intensity, then back down again, to grumble just below the surface. As it gets later, the grumbling and growling will change. The thunder will crack and crash on the rooftops. Forcefully releasing the power of the storm that builds in the dusk.

A night on the Plains.

пятница, июля 01, 2005

FP -- Tenth

Psalm 143:6

Standing here
My hands lifted up,
The air has strange qualities of light and sound.

Bright - the details are washed out.
Or so dim that everything is fuzzy?
The edges are blurred.
The colors fade.
A waiting room in a gray world where time is lost.
A train station for the soul.

Sounds like….
Silence?
Or, is the space filled with sound?
Deafening white noise.
Stations are like that.
Full of noise, none of it explicit.
None of it discriminate and directed to an individual.
None of it to me.

Surrounded by a cloud of witnesses.
Entirely alone.

I stand.
With arms outstretched.
Hands open to receive.
Or release.

The classic position:
Moses stood this way.
David sang while he held the pose.
Surely this is the posture of the woman looking for crumbs.
The blind man must have had a similar stance.
The parent beseeching for a sick (no, dead) child.
The demoniac.
The bleeding woman.
The list goes on...
Jesus. Willingly positioned this way by other hands:
Soul bared, arms stretched, hands spread out.

My infant sits like this.
Certain to be lifted up and held.
Expectation so strong she doesn't even look up.
No beseeching necessary.
Arms out, hands lifted.

I stand with my hands up,
Lifted to the One who sees.
I wait, soul lifted up.

I’ve put my hands down and walked away.
Convinced
No One noticed
Hand lifted.
No One heard
Soul Upraised.

Standing in turmoil.
Buffeted by noise, images, crowds.
Lifting up against the current.

Standing in a vacuum.
Surrounded by an absence.
Lifting up into nothing.

Struggling or weightless.
Neither are easy.

This time I stay.
Lifted.
Raised.
Waiting.

Straight from the mind of a 2 year old...

"I'm trying to go to sleep, but my eyes are open!"